"It's history," I told them, "and I remember when his mom got married."
"Nine minutes," I reminded him, "that's not asking much. I just want to see her walk down the aisle."
"Those people watching them," Philip announced, referring to the royal wedding attendees, "actually look boring. Like they're so boring, it shows."
It was a little dull. There's probably not much around more drowsy than British royalty. I remember reading once that Prince Charles was "madly keen on the science of sheep husbandry," which is about what you would expect looking at him.
I tried to get my kids interested. I pointed out the architecture, the dress, the hats. I wanted them to see the fairy tale aspects, the whole idea of a kingdom, of royalty. Wouldn't that interest them? Then again, my kids were never very big on fairy tales. I remember reading a few to the boys and the conversation went something like this:
"And then he chopped the dragon's head off, Mommy?"
"Well, no. There is no dragon. He's going to rescue the princess now."
"Then there's a dragon and they fight? And that's when he chops the dragon's head off?"
and so on,
So when Emma was born, I couldn't wait to read the fairy tales I had so ardently loved as a child. We got through Cinderella and a few others. Then came one with an ogre.
Emma sat up.
I thought, Look at that. She's going to love them as much as I did.
She pointed to the picture of the ogre. He looked something like this:
That was it.
Her mouth dropped open.
She wanted to know where ogres lived, what did they eat, who says they're not real? I showed her a map of the Eastern seaboard, showed her our state and explained that ogres were not allowed anywhere near New York. Not even close.
The next day she told me again she was scared of ogres. I explained how they were not permitted in New York. She looked at me with very big eyes and said, "But they're ogres."
I got her point. Ogres would not obey trespassing rules because, well, that's not what ogres do. They don't obey anything.
So I got my nine minutes of royal yawn and after that the kids found a teen/tween kind of news show that was flashy and fast paced and full of Lady Gaga music. That's when they saw a flash of royal wedding hats on (Princess ??? not sure if she's been royally booted or not) Fergie's daughters:
You gotta hand it to the royals.
They even invited Cinderella's step sisters.