Monday, March 8, 2010

Liar, Liar Reveal

It's time to reveal the truth and how well I fooled you guys - and I don't think I fooled you all that well, except there is some tiny truth to each of these statements. Really tiny in some, and in others, sort of true. But there still is only one true statement.

Here goes:

1. I am writing a novel involving a German shepherd, a teenager, a compass, an enchanted map, and a hidden, mystical land. I am about halfway done and not one, but two agents, are interested in repping it.

Let's see: I have a German shepherd and a couple of teenagers, but no agent or agents.

2. I only have one kidney. I lost the other to gestational diabetes when I was pregnant with my last baby.

I was on insulin during my pregnancies. After Philip was born, I mentioned to a doc that I thought my next baby would be a girl. His response was, "You better be happy with what you have unless you want to lose a kidney."

I changed docs, had Emma and still have both my kidneys.

3. I once told a NYC agent that I didn't want to be represented because I was never going to write novels. At the time he contacted me, I had just begun to write short stories, I had three kids under the age of six, and I couldn't imagine how he could "see" that I was going to become a novelist on the basis of a 1500 word short story. I explained how I could write a page or two a week. I thought he was nuts and stopped returning his phone calls.

This is sadly, 100% true. I did this -- I really did think he was nuts. Later, when I found out who he was, I felt like the biggest dork on the planet. How could I not know? Then again, who knew from agents? At that time, I didn't even know anyone else who wrote.

4. At the age of 15, I rowed almost completely across New York Harbor alongide a ferry boat. I turned around when I saw a Harbor Patrol boat.

This is sorta true. I attempted this, thinking I was the daughter of Poseidon and nothing could happen to me. Ok, so maybe I didn't think I was the daughter of Poseion: I thought more that I was Poseidon. I can say this: the New York City Harbor Patrol knew who I was that summer because I really, really wanted to get across. I got about 80% to Manhattan once. They were on the ball before the age of terrorism.

(And I am very glad my own kids don't read blogs...)

5. One of my best friends is Sam, a transsexual who channels Anna Nicole.

I met a "man" on the Atlantic City boardwalk who does this, but we had one brief, sparkling conversation and I never saw him again. If you are ever stuck for character ideas, I recommend a walk there around six or seven on a hot evening.

6. My oldest son is joining the Navy in July, two weeks after high school graduation.

I have a huge level of respect for people in the military, but a flat screen for his room and a few other incentives to at least try college first have worked so far. I think this is my current, primal fear rather than a true statement (realize that I'm the mom who still asks that his phone stay on while he walks the dog -- I know, I know)

So some truth to some of these, and unfortunately a lotta truth to #3. Then again, I think you have to be as ready for an agent and all that goes with publishing a novel in the same way you have to be ready for having kids. Or maybe I'm just hoping and that's not entirely true...


Bish Denham said...

To be so close to having an I did get part of one of your partial truths right! Trying to cross the harbor seemed so possible to me.

Anne Spollen said...

It was crazy, but I did try to cross the harbor which is probably why I worry so much about my own kids now. I know their genetics. I never made it. Unfortunately, there are things like massive ferry boats and patrols.

And I think I would have ultimately disappointed that agent. Those were the days when I went two or three months without writing a word. I still don't use an agent. Maybe he'll call back?

Jemi Fraser said...

Love your harbour swimming story. To be young again... :)

Yikes - can't believe the agent one is really true! Wow.

storyqueen said...

I say call the agent never know.

All he can say is no, and you won't know unless you try.

(Sounded motherly, no?)


Marcia said...

Y'know, I was drawn to #3, but I didn't want it to be the true one.

Mary Witzl said...

Whoa on number 3! Just --- whoooooa.

When we were leaving for Turkey, I won first prize and £250 in a poetry competition. My daughter took the phone call for me and I thought it was a scam and for a horrible 3 seconds was nasty to the caller. That's the closest I've come to doing what you did and it's NOTHING like as amazing. (When I realized it was for real, I was slavishly, pathetically grateful. I believe I may even have wept.)

Anne Spollen said...

You got it right, Mary! I think you were the only one, but the other folks suspected...

Jemi, is young another word for risk-immune? It was for me. That's why I stalk my kids. I remember...

Idk, Shelley - now I have more time to write, but for all I know, he could be deceased. And yes, very motherly sounding.

You were suspicious, Marcia. See, I'm not such a good liar. That's probably a good thing.

But I'm sure everyone here gets the "writers are really professional liars" line from time to time.