The Former Anne Spollen's Author Blog Is Being Retitled to "Notes from Living Upghetto": SWAMPED

Friday, February 13, 2009

SWAMPED

I try never to complain about my lack of time, and I'm not complaining here: I'm commenting. For the past ten days or so, I have been so busy it's a little surreal. Or maybe it's just the lack of sleep talking, but I have learned a few things about being absolutely swamped:

1. Dust is good for children. It's natural, and it cuts down on that annoying wood glare.

2. You don't need to shave your legs even if all your "work" pants are in the wash; there's a perfectly good reason God made opaque tights.

3. It is possible to dry your hair using the car heat and a little gel. It's not a good idea, but it's possible.

4. They make a great whole wheat mac and cheese now that along with frozen peas covers all the major food groups for growing children. Plus, you can "cook" the peas by draining the macaroni water over them in the colander.

5. You CAN give your kids a sweatshirt that the dog napped on if you fluff it out really, really hard and spray it with Axe Body Mist for Men.

6. There's nothing wrong with a few Christmas decorations floating around the house. They're red and sparkly, and with a quick glance, they could be confused with Valentine's decorations.

7. Congress recently passed a law that stated bed linens are to be changed twice a month, not weekly. It has something to do with the environment and migrating whales and all those suds. I forget how it was phrased exactly, but it was something like that.

8. I need to ask those time manager folks if the following gets an A or a B priority:

Situation 1 from Child 1: "Mom, I have no pants in my drawer and I hear the bus up the street!"

or

Situation 2 from Child 2: "There's a hairball in my gym sneakers. Wait. Gross! Mom! OMG! It's a hairball AND cat puke. And that's the bus! MOOOOMMMMM!!!!!"

I can't tell you how happy I am that it's Friday...

9 comments:

Marcia said...: I love these, especially #7. I hate wrestling new sheets onto beds; too much like physical work.

Fun post!; Friday, 13 February, 2009
Nora MacFarlane said...: LOL! Hairball in the shoes. Been there!!!; Friday, 13 February, 2009
Mary Witzl said...: Are there really people who change their sheets once a week? I feel dizzy just thinking about it. What Marcia said -- especially when it comes to stuffing quilts into duvet covers. Love the Christmas decorations for Valentine's Day thing too, and why not? Will this make anyone ill? Is it cruel? No. I had a wasp in my shoe once, and the least said about the dead cockroach in my boot, the better.

You could come to coffee here; I'd feel perfectly relaxed about having you see the state of this place. Too bad you're so far away. And too bad neither of us has the time...; Saturday, 14 February, 2009
Katie Anderson said...: HILARIOUS!! I will use that pea draining idea soon :-)

And yes - bring on lazy Saturday; Saturday, 14 February, 2009
Anne Spollen said...: I know, Marcia -- I feel very put upon when I have to do all four beds. So I halved it to be environmentally sound.

Yes, hairballs are one thing, but accompanied by liquid. Luckily, I keep emergency sneakers in the garage.

Oh, Mary, you have to come to the bus stop by my street where the women all talk about their spring flower seedlings happily growing on their windowsills - already. Of course, they are there early enough to chat while I'm usually running with my daughter.

And that's the problem -- all the folks I would like to have coffee with are booked. One day...; Saturday, 14 February, 2009
Adrienne said...: LOL! Is there any other way to cook peas?; Monday, 16 February, 2009
Angela Ackerman said...: Oh if I had a buck for every time my kids bring down their laundry baskets at 10 PM telling me they need clothes for the next day....; Wednesday, 18 February, 2009
Anne Spollen said...: No, Adrienne, there is no other way to cook peas - except when the restaurant does it.

And thanks for stopping by, Angela! At least your kids bring their dirty laundry to you -- it's worse when they say, "You know those blue pants I need for tomorrow," and you have to mine for them under beds and in the back of closets (which brings about a whole new level of scary); Thursday, 19 February, 2009
Jacqui said...: How did I miss this? Hilarity. And if you throw some tuna into that mac and cheese, it's a casserole!; Thursday, 19 February, 2009

Books

Light Beneath Ferns

"I have this strange sense that my silence is preparing me for something I can't name . ."

Elizah Rayne is nothing like other fourteen-year-old girls. More interested in bird bones than people, she wraps herself in silence. Trying to escape the shadow of her gambler father, Elizah and her mother move into an old house that borders a cemetery. All her mother wants is for them to have "normal" lives. But that becomes impossible for Elizah when she finds a human jawbone by the river and meets Nathaniel, a strangely hypnotic boy who draws Elizah into his dreamlike and mysterious world.

Only by forgetting everything she knows can Elizah understand the truth about Nathaniel—and discover an unimaginable secret.

Teen made trailer for Light Beneath Ferns.

Order Light Beneath Ferns here.

Foreword Magazine's Review of Light Beneath Ferns

Excerpt from THE SHAPE OF WATER

CHAPTER ONE
I discovered windows one afternoon and after that, nothing was ever the same. They had always been there, of course, glass panes shimmering in the color of rain, but that spring for the first time, I was able to open the windows in my room. For years, the locks had been painted stuck, and during the winter, heat from the radiator beneath my windows finally steamed off enough paint off the metal wings of the locks could be twirled open. Knowing that I could open the windows attracted me to them, and I began sitting under the windows, staring through the glass at the sky. From that position, on a chair in my room, the sky did not seem real; it seemed a place I was making up, so I watched it.
The white wood of the window panes acted as frames so the sky came to me slowly, and the huge openness of its space did not touch me. All the window glass in our old house had wavers and bubbles inside it, so at times the clouds moved like water, melting and blurring until they passed outside of the warp. After a few afternoons of sitting, the heavens seemed too quiet to keep watching so I began watching a small patch of woods next to our yard that housed little more than trees and a scatter of bony, mean-looking rabbits.
I started gazing at the sky and the woods in March when the branches were still wet and it was then, with nothing outside my window but trees and rain, that I noticed a shine inside darkness, I noticed colors glimmering within the darkness of the wood. I watched birds come and go, I watched rain nipple down from buds to the grass. The water dripping from branch edges and leaves created optical tricks; I could see that as I watched leaves melt.
Then one day I ventured into the space outside. I did not think about doing this much beforehand. I simply opened the window and dropped to the ground below, uncertain as to why this should be such a more satisfying exit than simply using the door; my father worked until seven o’clock and I could do whatever I wanted until then. But I liked the solid sound my legs made when I landed. Leaving via a five foot drop seemed so much more a decision than just using a door. The sense of escape made my heart pound, though all I escaped was the soundless spread of moss-colored light inside my house and the silence.
I had come to know silence well during those months after my mother died. When you sit in silence long enough, you learn that silence has a motion. It glides over you without shape or form, but with weight, exactly like water. Its color is silver. And silence has a sound you hear only after hours of wading inside it. The sound is soft, flute notes rising up like the words of glass speaking. There comes a point when you must shatter the silence, when you must shatter the blindness of its words, the blindness of its light. I did this by going into the yard. Once I stood there, in the grass next to the trees I had been watching, I found silence outside as well. But I was happier outside than I had been in the house, so I stayed for a bit. I stood beneath my bedroom window for a few minutes, looking up at the branches and the crooked pieces of sky colliding between the branches. I believed I could identify the scent of the sky as I stood there, a blue menthol fragrance similar to the scent of seawater that sprayed into my face when I first dove into the ocean. That initial scent smelled much more subtle than the ocean’s heavy, fishy aroma, a whiff of salt and mint that warned a more powerful scent would enter my nose just as I approached the water on a dive. It was the scent I dreamed in. And it was the scent of that spring sky as I stood in my yard.

***